Stop Comparing Your Romance to those On the Big Screen

There are many reasons why your romance will never measure up to those on the big screen. If you're constantly comparing your relationship, then you'll never be satisfied and both of you will end up being hurt in the long run. You might be curious about why it's such a bad thing to compare your relationship to those "picture perfect" relationships in Hollywood. Here are a few good reasons why your relationship will never measure up to theirs and why that's a good thing. 

Hollywood Films have Professional Script Writers 

More importantly, these scriptwriters spend hours agonizing over the right words and sequence of events to create a plausible conversation. And they have control of all sides of the conversation. In real world relationships, you only get control of what comes out of your own mouth and that's tenuous at best in the heat of the moment.  

You Don't get to Start the Scene Over When it Doesn't Play Out Right 

The more heated the discussion becomes, the less control you seem to have over the words coming out of your mouth. That doesn't happen in Hollywood. The director just cuts the scene and takes a break when things aren't flowing the right way. You don't get an opportunity to "un-ring" bells in real life. Once it's come out of your mouth, it's there. In all its glory and for the one person who means the most in the world to hear. 

The Actors Put their Characters to Bed, Alone, Each Night 

After a long day of practice, script reading, and careful staging or choreography, the actors leave their characters behind and return to their own lives. That's not a luxury you have when you're comparing your relationship to those on the Silver Screen. You're comparing something real -- your own relationship -- to something that's made believe and temporary at best.  

Actors in the movies don't have to decide who pulls the midnight shift for diaper duty. They don't have to fight over who washes dishes or even who gets control of the remote control for the evening or any of the other petty worries that cause discontentment in modern relationships.  

At the end of the day, everything in Hollywood is the work of an entire team of people working towards one common goal. Hair is always picture perfect; makeup is just right, music, mood lighting, and script in place to produce a little magic on the screen. These things, while enchanting in pictures, fall flat and just shy of satisfying in real life. In the end, you'd grow tired of the façade and run off in search of the real deal or relationship gold. That's why it's better to skip out on the perfect front Hollywood presents and go for something a little heartier in your own relationships instead.

 

 

Building a Better Foundation for Your Marriage

Marriage requires work. This is something most couples don't understand -- at least when walking into the marriage contract. All relationships require work. Business relationships, parenting relationships, and yet, so many people are surprised to discover just how much work is required to make a marriage successful. Some couples do make it look easy. These are the couples, more often than not, who have built their marriages on solid foundations. If you're interested in keeping your marriage on track, getting it back on track, or trying to get it on track from the very beginning, you need to consider these tips for building a better foundation. 

Discuss Your Past - Briefly 

It's in the past and that's where it needs to remain. Unless you have major secrets you're hiding that could harm your relationship down the road, there isn't much to say about past relationships, connections, and events. That doesn't mean you should attempt to hide things. Only that it isn't necessary to discuss the intimate details of every boy you've kissed from third grade on up. Relationships are often made stronger because of a shared history but the relationships that last are the ones that keep their eyes on the future and are not constantly staring back into the past. 

This also works for fights, arguments, disagreements, etc. Leave them in the past and move on. If you can't forgive and forget, find a way to work it out so that you're not constantly dwelling on it. If it's an ongoing problem find a solution that works for you both or it will continue to be a problem for your marriage. 

Make Plans for the Future - Keep them Flexible 

Flexibility is a word that needs to be a cornerstone for all marriages. It's one thing to have a future mapped out together. You need to have plans for the future. But, you need to avoid sticking to those plans so rigidly that they jeopardize your future together.  

Embrace the Moment - You Never Know How Many You'll Have 

Life is short. And, it offers no guarantees. You never know how many sunrises and sunsets you'll get in your marriage. Illness, accidents, and even relationship turmoil can rob you of the future you hoped for. Cherish the time you have together. When petty arguments arise, really think, long and hard, if the argument is worth the discord. Decide if it's worth robbing you of the joy of being together -- even for a moment. 

Once you build a better foundation for your marriage, based on these principles, you'll see a huge difference in the way you approach problems and work to find solutions. Ultimately, you'll both have a happier marriage that requires less work than many other couples struggling for a future that isn't working for them, rehashing past arguments, or failing to take advantage of the time they have together today.

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Six Secrets for a Long Healthy Relationship

We live in a time when people change relationships more often than they change hairstyles. Some people would call them disposable. Easy come. Easy go. But, what happens, when you think you've found the one. You know, the one they wrote epic poems about long ago. The one that makes every other relationship pale by comparison -- at least as far as your relationship experiences are concerned. How do you hold on to this special relationship while so many other couples are unable to make it work?  

The key word here is work. You have to work at making relationships last. Fortunately for you, these six secrets for relationship success don't always feel like the hard work they are. 

1) Communicate. You have to communicate effectively with each other. That doesn’t simply mean you have to talk to each other. You have to also understand each other and be on the same page about many things in your relationships and in the lives you build together. 

2) Connect. The physical connection between couples is vital to relationship longevity. It goes beyond what takes place in the bedroom however. You really do need the connection of human touch to help solidify your bond. Cuddle together on the couch, hold hands in the theatre, and hug each other as often as possible. The more you touch, in a genuine and affectionate manner, generally speaking, the happier you are together. 

3) Find common ground. Every relationship needs a little common ground. These are the areas where the two of you have shared convictions. Sometimes these convictions are based on morals or religion. Other times they're related to causes or politics. Whatever your shared convictions may be, it's a wise plan to cultivate that common ground and grow together. 

4) Shared interests. This is a little different than common ground. Your interests don't have to be on the same scale. However, if you both love the ocean you might find that buying a sailboat, for instance, is a great way to feed the love of sailing the open seas for one while feeding the love of water and sunshine for the other. You both love the ocean and sailing gives you an opportunity to enjoy the thing you both love together. 

5) Companionship. You must spend time together if your relationship is going to work. Otherwise there really isn't a relationship to cultivate. Time is critical. Finding positive ways to spend your time together, even in troubling times, is a great way to build a stronger relationship together -- especially if you're both committed to the cause of making your relationship last. 

6) Time apart. While it's important to spend time as a couple in order to cultivate and grow the relationship, it's also important to enjoy a little time outside of your partner's company. You both need friends on the side for blowing off steam, wise counsel, and a little break from the intensity of the relationship. 

These six secrets may not look like all that much on a piece of paper, but over the years, they will all make a huge difference in the strength and resilience of your relationship together. Keep them in mind at all times for best results.

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Disastrous Date Night Mistakes To Avoid

Are You Making These Disastrous Date Night Mistakes? 

Date night can be a highly effective tool for putting a little love back into your relationship. Whether you're going through a bit of a seven-year-itch or on the verge of calling it quits, making the right date night choices can be a huge win for your marriage. Unfortunately, making date night mistakes of monumental proportions, such as those listed below, can spell disaster for your efforts to save your relationship. 

Spending the Entire Night Discussing Family Problems 

Date night is all about getting away from the mundane issues troubling the two of you. It's time to turn your focus on each other. Leave the kids, parents, in-laws, and outlaws at home where they belong. You want this to be a genuine "feel good" opportunity. Don't squander it by bringing bad vibes into the evening. 

Bringing Work Along on Your Date 

Whether it is in thoughts or in deeds, bringing work on your date night date not only kills the mood, but also breeds resentment. In many marriages, constant work is a problem. Your spouse feels slighted because you always seem to put work before family. When you bring work on your date night that resentment becomes a deep and simmering rage. It's just another nail in the coffin of your relationship in many ways and one that can be easily avoided one night a week. 

Cancelling Date Night or Rearranging it at the Last Minute 

Cancelling date nights is a huge no-no. It's the last thing you want to do without a darned good (I mean someone has died or is about to die kind of) reason. Whenever you cancel date night, you're essentially putting whatever reason it was before your marriage. Stuff happens. Sitters quit or cancel and you're left scrambling to find a suitable alternative. It's better to do a little additional scrambling than to deal with the romantic and relationship fallout of a cancellation.  

The same holds true with rearranging plans at the last minute. Once the sitter is lined up and dinner plans are set for the evening, last-minute rearrangements really upset the apple cart doing more harm for the date night cause than good. The bottom line is that if you aren't going to take date night seriously, it's better not to plan to have it at all. 

Falling into a Date Night Rut 

Whatever you do, don't do the same thing week after week. It becomes monotonous and routine. This is your opportunity to add a little fun and excitement to your relationship. Don't risk it by going to dinner and a movie week after week. Switch it up some and see what a difference it makes not only in your excitement about having a date night but also in your partner's response to date night. Make a date night "bucket list" of things you'd like to do on date night together and have fun granting each other's date night wishes. 

Date night can be as exciting or as humdrum as you allow it to be. Make a compact with yourself and one another not to let your date night become a run of the mill experience that's easily taken for granted. Do this and your marriage is sure to be one in which you do not take each other for granted either.