Why Are You Trying so Hard to Get Your Ex Back?

The one thing most people feel immediately after an unexpected, and unwanted, breakup, is desperation to get your ex back. It's a common denominator that most people experience. You're hurting. The breakup caused the pain. Ergo, getting back together with your ex will end the pain.

Right?

Not so fast!

Before you start pulling out maps and drawing up battle lines, it's a good idea to take a moment to really consider whether getting your ex back is the right move to make in this situation. It may be your kneejerk reaction, but that doesn't mean it's the best action to take. Here are a few questions you should ask yourself before you start making plans.

Why do You Want to Get Your Ex Back?

It's a completely and totally fair question to ask yourself. It's not about love. At least, it shouldn't be. Loving someone alone is not worth moving heaven and earth in order to get your ex back. You might believe you're soul mates, but why do you feel that way? What is it about your ex that makes this the one person you're meant to share your life with and that no other person will do?

Do You Know what You Really Want?

Have you thought about it before now? You may have been making plans for a future together, but could those plans change and create a happier future for you? Is the future you've been planning one that fills you with excitement? Is your ex the one person that fills you with excitement? Or, have you been so busy planning your life as part of a "we" that you've forgotten to make plans for the "me" in the equation? It's not a given that your ex isn't the one and that you aren't meant to be together. But, you owe it to yourself to take enough time to figure out the future you want before you begin to make plans to get your ex back.

Are You Really Good Together?

The final question to ask yourself is the simplest, and often the most difficult. Are you good together? Do you bring out the best or the worst in each other? Is the world better when you're together or did you secretly long for those moments when your ex was busy doing other things?

The questions aren't difficult, but the answers can make or break your plans to get your ex back. If, after answering these hard-hitting questions, you're sure your ex is the one and you want him back, then there's only one thing left to do: "Make it so." I can give you the tools you need to get your ex back. You just have to be willing to put them into action at the right time and place.

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Trying to Get Your Ex Back

It's not easy to be on the outside looking in at what used to be your path to happily ever after. Being unceremoniously dumped without anyone asking your permission, not only hurts, but it also makes your entire world feel as though it's spiraling out of control. Your solution to the problem is simple.

You have decided to get your ex back. You've thrown all your heart, soul, and energy into the coffers and, yet, you're still not seeing a satisfactory return on your investment. If anything, the cold shoulder your ex has been giving you just keeps getting shoulder. What's going wrong in your efforts to win your ex back? Perhaps, it's one of these common, but fixable, hiccups.

You're Trying Too Hard

You want results and you feel that this is worth an all-out effort on your part. Unfortunately, what your ex needs right now is a little bit of emotional distance from the situation. Sometimes absence really is all it takes to make the heart grow fonder. You just have to give the absence the opportunity to happen. Step back. Scale things down completely and let your ex get a taste of what life is really like without you in it.

Making all the Wrong Moves

At least, that's what it feels like is going on. Every move you make feels like it's pushing your ex further and further away. The thing is, it's not the moves you're making that are the problems. It's the fact that you're making them. Stand down. Give your ex a chance to breathe a little. Use this time wisely to come up with a plan of action designed to get your ex's attention in a really positive way when the timing is right.

Moving a Little Too Fast

This is quite common. Your heart is telling you to get in there and "Nip it in the bud!" You don't want to hear any more of this breakup talk. You want to end it all, right now and get on to the infinitely more enjoyable making up talk. There's a reason Barney didn't get a loaded gun and that he was only given ONE bullet. Your heart means well but it doesn't always steer you in the right direction.

If none of these things work to get your ex back, then what will? It takes a well-planned and executed attack to win your ex back after a breakup. You must spend some serious time planning your strategy and paying attention to the little details. More importantly, it takes knowing what to do next. A second chance is just that -- a chance. If you want to make it work, a second time around then you need a little magic on your side. I can help with that!

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How to Get Him Back after Your Heart Broken

Your Heart is Breaking - How do You Get Him Back? 

Your heart is breaking. That's a fairly common denominator after a divorce or breakup. You even want to get him back. You still believe that he's the one. All you need now is to convince him that you're still the one for him.  

Unfortunately, your confidence, in the days and weeks following a breakup, is at an all-time low. It makes it difficult to sell yourself when you don't have complete faith in the product you're peddling. So, what can you do to restore your confidence and win him back?  

Start in the Mirror 

Look at your reflection and let your inner diva loose. I'm not talking about trash talking yourself or putting yourself down. The last thing you want to do is make yourself feel even worse.  

What you need to do by letting your inner diva loose is put a little color in your cheeks, get rid of the bags under your eyes, and stop wearing mascara that's going to leave you looking like Tammy Faye Bakker every time you cry.  

Find ways to bring out the best of your beauty. Then, find new and clever ways to hide your perceived flaws. You know, accentuate the positive. Let that be your focus for the moment. 

Rejoin the World of the Living 

If you're anything like most girls after a breakup, you've been holed up at home with a pint of Haagen-Dazs and a spoon at the ready since the moment you got the news. The only time you're out and about is to replenish your ice cream supply and to work (if you don't have an adequate number of vacation days saved up to cover your time of crisis).  It's time to break out of your shell and get back in the real world. 

Even if you're heart's not in it, you want to look like you're back on the market. Why's that so important? Because it will put him on the defensive. It will leave him wondering why you're able to bounce back so quickly. It will cause him to examine his role in the relationship and where he may have been lacking as well. Most important of all, because it puts YOU on HIS mind - a LOT. And that's the one thing you want most right now. 

But, how you turn all this around and make it work in your favor to win him back? It seems like an awful lot to go through without actually doing anything to win him back, right? Not so much. Believe it or not, you're doing things the right way this way and putting the pressure on him to make the first move.  

Let him see that you're still looking good and going out on the town. He's going to be the one interested in discovering your secret. He's going to be dying to know why you aren't more broken up over this.  

He's GOING to call. Do you have any clue what to say when he does? Let me help you come up with the perfect response to leave him breathlessly waiting for your next call.

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Lazy Man's Guide to Getting Your Girlfriend Back

The Lazy Man's Guide to Getting Your Girlfriend Back 

Breaking up is especially difficult when it wasn't your plan. Men handle unexpected breakups in different ways. Some men go all in to get their girlfriends back. They jump through crazy hoops, make deals, bargain, beg, and come close to stalking in an effort to get her back. 

Other men decide that maybe this is just how things were meant to be and seek greener pastures elsewhere - at least, that's what they do in time. It often takes at least a little while to mend their broken hearts and feel willing to put them back on the market again. 

But there are still others who want to ride off into the sunset with the girl that got away, but have no idea how to make that happen. More importantly, they want to get her back but they don't want to have to jump through hoops to do it. 

Fortunately, hoop jumping really isn't necessary to get her back. You don't even have to do the chasing. You'll probably be surprised to learn just how easy it can be to get her to come back to you. 

Don't Call Her 

Sounds simple enough, doesn't it? After all, it requires no action on your part. What it does require, though, is dedicated inaction. That's not so simple when every instinct you have is telling you to go after her. 

It's the primal male drive to conquer all threats to life, limb, and overall happiness. You want to make her see the light. You want to show her how good it really is between you. You want things to be the way they were.  

Chasing the girl down might make her swoon in the movies. In real life it nets you a restraining order. Give her a little time to work through her own emotions and take a little time to really think about whether things really were all that good (for both of you) the way they were. 

Make Small Changes at Home 

You don't have to become a completely new man. That's way too much work. But you might make a few small changes in appearance - yes girls really do notice these things. Consider something simple to start with like teeth whitening to brighten your smile.  

While you might not be interested in a full blown gym membership, you might want to consider lifting weights at home (within reason) or playing racquetball or even pickup basketball games for a little firming and toning - maybe even skip that second beer at night or cut back from the pizza. Small changes don't require a lot of effort and can deliver really big results. 

Wait for Her to Come to You 

Believe it or not, the world is small. Once people start noticing the little changes you're making, and believe me they will, word will get back to her. Women are curious creatures. Not only in the sense that men have a hard time understanding them, but because they like to know what's going on. 

It will drive her insane with curiosity that you're doing so well without her. She'll want to know why you're looking better, getting together with other people, and making changes for the better in your life - even little changes get big attention in today's world.  

She will call or "bump" into you just to see what's different. She'll be desperate to know what's going on. That's when it's really time to work your magic. All you need now is the right thing to say to convince her she was wrong to walk away.

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Can You Buy Your Ex Back?

Have you ever resorted to expensive gifts to make up for major misdeeds in the course of your relationship? Many men offer costly gifts to the women they love in hopes of smoothing things over and making it right. It may have started out with flowers and chocolates. Over time, the practice escalated to expensive jewelry, cars, homes, and vacations. The bigger the misdeed, the bigger the buyoff.  

Unfortunately, this practice often does more harm for the relationship than good. The relationship becomes a series of highs and lows with each one attempting to outdo the other. Eventually, you're either out of money or in debt so big that even more problems are being created. All the while, nothing is getting solved. It's just being temporarily swept underneath the discarded ribbons, bows, and tissue paper. 

Here are a few questions to help you get a handle on your gift buying tendencies whenever relationship problems arise. 

How Much Will it Really Cost? 

The costs are not always measured in dollars and cents. Men, especially, will gladly pay the price in dollars to avoid the emotional confrontation required to deal with the real, underlying problem in the relationship. Buying gifts provides a quick, albeit temporary, fix for a problem they don't really want to face. The thing is, the problem is still there the next time mistakes are made and the price tag for avoidance keeps getting bigger and bigger every single time. 

How Much Have You Spent Already? 

The other point to consider is this. How much money have you already spent trying to delay the inevitable? The longer you attempt to put it off, the harder it's going to be to deal with when the time comes. It's kind of like an onion. The core problem is still there. Unfortunately, you're going to have to go in and peel each individual layer, uncovering new problems and hurt feelings along the way, to get to the heart of the matter when the time does arrive to fix the problem or walk away. That money could solve many problems you're having and would have likely been much better spent building your future together rather than covering up the "sins of the past." 

How much can you really afford to spend? This is the final question for many men in your shoes. There's never really enough, is there? Love is something that can't be bought. Forgiveness can't really be purchased either. Women may joke about it, but the truth is they'd rather fix the problems and save the relationship the old-fashioned way than through gifts and bribes. She's MUCH rather receive gifts from you as tokens of love from you instead of buyoffs for her affections.

 

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Want to Get Your Ex Back? Try This!

Movies and romance novels make it look so easy to get your ex back. We all understand that love goes wrong sometimes. But, if you really want to turn the tide for your relationship, you might have to switch up tactics a little bit and try something new and different. Don't let cheesy romantic movies and novels that are fantasy filled ruin your chances. Instead, take a moment to sneak a peek at real advice that gets real results. 

Walk Away - And Don't Look Back 

I'm not saying you shouldn't entertain the idea of getting back together with your ex or that you should even give up hope that you'll be able to accomplish your mission. However, you want to make your ex believe that you've given up -- that you aren't trying to fix things anymore.  

Why?  

Because that's really the only way your ex is going to recognize what it means to be alone. As long as you keep coming around or trying to make things right, your ex has the pleasure of your company and the certainty of your support. Walk away. Go through the motions of moving on with your life and let your ex see what life is like without you in it. More importantly, let your ex wonder who you're spending your time with now. 

Start Investing in Yourself 

During a relationship, people often spend so much time focused on the other person that you ignore the things you want or need. Now is the perfect opportunity to put a little time and attention to fulfilling your own wishes and needs whether they are educational, financial, career-related, or physical in nature. Put yourself first for a change and enjoy a return on investment that involves self-confidence, self-value, and a renewed sense of self-worth. 

What most people don't realize is that this is a critical component of getting an ex back. When you start taking care of yourself and putting yourself first for a change, there are often visible changes the world will notice. Word travels quickly in some circles and your ex, unless he or she has relocated to a rock on Mars, is likely to hear about all the changes going on with you. Your ex is bound to be curious and curiosity usually works in your favor at times like these. 

But, don't take the call, answer the email, or agree to meet your ex until you have a solid strategy in place to make the most of this meeting. Without the right plan in hand, you can undo all your hard work in one single phone call, conversation, or meeting.

 

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How Badly Do You Really Want to Get Your Ex Back?

How Badly Do You Really Want to Get Your Ex Back? 

In the first few days following a breakup, getting your ex back is probably all you can think about. It becomes a mantra playing repeatedly in your mind. Depending on how long and deeply involved the relationship may have been, it may be the only thing helping you hold onto a little bit of sanity as your mind comes to terms with what your heart has already discovered -- the pain of loss. 

It's important to allow a little time to pass before you make your move and try to get your ex back. Why is that? Because sometimes it's best to gain a little perspective and distance from the heartache you're feeling right now.  

Distance makes it possible for your ex to forgive hurtful words and deeds, forget pain, and begin to remember the pleasure of being with you. Allowing time for some of the more pleasant aspects of your relationship to resurface in the heart and mind of your ex buys the time you really need to make a positive impression. Unfortunately, you have to want it really bad in order to do this. It takes a lot of discipline to hold off long enough for the good memories to come back to life. 

That's the problem most people in your shoes have, though. Finding the patience and strength of will it takes to really let your ex go and wait. Wait, however long it takes, for your ex to come back to you. 

However, there are things you can do to fill your time so that it doesn't feel like you're waiting around forever for your ex to come back to his or her senses and realize what a catch you really are.  

1.      Get in shape. Whether you wish you were a little more muscular or want to lose a few extra pounds, there's no time like the present to get started. Not only will this leave a more attractive package when your ex does come calling, it's a great way to boost your confidence, restore your self-esteem, and fill the hours that are no longer devoted to spending time with your ex. 

2.      Go back to school. Even if you aren't going back for a degree. Many colleges are participating in the open culture of study these days. You can take classes from Harvard, Yale, and other top universities throughout the country free online. The knowledge you gain from these courses is invaluable even if you don't gain a degree. Some programs offer certificates of completion that can help provide you with greater upward mobility in your chosen profession. 

3.      Focus on activities and interests that lift you up. We all have areas in our lives where we'd like to see improvement. We all want to be better than we are in some ways. Now is the perfect chance for you to focus on being a better YOU!  

While you're busy doing all these things, your ex is busy missing you. More importantly, he or she is hearing, from others, about all the positive changes you're making. Your ex is sure to want to be a part of the improvements going on in your life. Now is the time when your ex is most likely to come calling. Do you know what you're going to say when your ex does? 

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The Magic of Making Up